Base Runner

You haven't reached second base since your prom!
I've seen better legs on my couch!
I've seen better legs hangin' out of a nirds nest!
I haven't seen a slide like that since Enron
I've seen better slides at the pool!
You run like you're moving furniture!
You run like a dry creek!
Your average speed is slower that a Hippo on stilts!
Way to stretch that triple in to a double!
You run like a deer! A John Deere
You couldn't run a bath!
I've seen better legs in a bucket of chicken.
Put some WHEELS on that wagon you're pullin'!
Are you posing for a picture?
I've seen better legs on a piano
The team bus could have got around second faster than you!
You couldn't steal home if you had a key!
Unhitch the trailer!
You move like a potted plant!
Maybe some day you'll learn to play that piano you're dragging!
Are you carryin' a safe?
It's all right to drag the piano, just don't stop to play it.
Base Clogger!
You call that baserunning? I've seen better runs in [insert teammate's name here]'s panty hose!