The Big List of Batter Heckles

  • The only cleaning up you guys know about involves cleaning supplies
  • DH? Does that stand for Don't Have talent?
  • Hey, Mendoza called. He wants his line back!
  • Struuuuuggling!
  • I've seen monkeys take better swings!
  • You want some belt with that buckle?
  • Get a reciept because you just got rung up.
  • You have a $200 bat in your hands , use it!
  • Did you buy that swing from GNC?
  • Spin the diamond. (When a batter fouls off a lot of pitches)
  • I've seen better hitting in a sausage race! (reference to incident involving Randall Simon)
  • I wish my golf score was as good as your batting average.
  • Take him out of freezer, he was frozen. (called on strikes)
  • Welcome to the club, we meet on thursdays! (following a strikeout)
  • Cork!
  • You couldn't hit a wall if you ran into one!
  • You couldn't spell hit!
  • Your hostess will seat you!! (following a strikeout)
  • Designated What?
  • Hit it like you have a pair!
  • The last time my wife was that late, she was pregnant! (late swing)
  • Mike Tyson makes better contact than you!
  • I've seen Tyson take better swings!
  • I've seen better cuts at a deli!
  • Be a chauffeur and drive him in!
  • Be a frog and ribbit (rip it)!
  • Why'd you even bring the bat?
  • Here comes the Human Strike-Out!
  • Nice hack OJ!
  • Betty Crocker makes a better batter than you!
  • (After fastball) If you think that was bad, you should see his fastball.
  • The force is not very strong in this Jedi.
  • (After swinging strike) Would you like fries with that?
  • (After a swinging strike) Whew! Feel the breeze.
  • Think you can get this one past the pitcher's mound?
  • Someone get some ointment, this guy just got burned.
  • Someone get some honey-glaze, this ham just got smoked.
  • Do your parents know you do this for a living?
  • That's quite an expensive shoulder decoration you've got!
  • I've seen better hitters at a drug bust!
  • This guy hasn't driven anybody home since the junior prom
  • You couldn't hit the bottle!
  • I've seen better batter when making a cake!
  • He couldn't hit the ground if he fell off a ladder!
  • I've seen better bats in a cave!
  • No soup for you!
  • Call us when you're going to be late! (After a late swing)
  • I've seen better cuts on a BeeGees album!
  • Thank you, come again (after a strike out, to be said like Apu from the Simpson's)
  • Where's your note? (late swing)
  • You should get two called strikes for that swing!
  • That was the Louisiana pitch. It was bayou!
  • You've had fewer hits than Vanilla Ice!
  • This guy couldn't hit a shift key
  • You swing like a rusty gate!
  • How's your Japanese?
  • You want some pepperoni on that slice?
  • You're getting less hits than an Amish website!
  • How did you make the team?
  • You couldn't drive anyone home if you were in their driveway!
  • I've seen better cuts with rusty razor blades!
  • You couldn't hit the road!
  • I've seen better swings in a park!
  • (To Catcher) Hey_______, let go of his bat!
  • Draw a chalk outline around this guy and call the coroner!
  • Swing the bat, only the mailman walks around here!
  • Did you get a haircut Samson?
  • The ball is that thing the catcher has!
  • Someone's gonna get their name in the paper!
  • Swing your purse, Sally!
  • Drop your purse and pick up a bat!
  • Dead man walking!
  • Hey, Dracula, wake up your bat!
  • Save that swing for the mailbox league
  • You call that a cut? I call that a scratch!
  • I've seen better swings on a porch!
  • Leave the piñatas for the kids...
  • You couldn't hit the floor if you fell out of bed
  • Hit the weight room! (After lazy fly ball)
  • Get the kids off of that swing!
  • You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat
  • Everybody move in!
  • You couldn't drive home Miss Daisy!
  • If that's your best swing, I'd hate to see your golf game!
  • You could buy a cup of coffee with that batting average!
  • You get a free bowl of soup with that swing?
  • Is it hard to hold the bat with your hands around your throat?
  • We want a batter not a broken ladder
  • Who's swinging who?
  • Couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a shovel
  • Are your hands bleeding yet?
  • No Batter, No Batter...
  • Straighten it out! (foul ball)
  • You couldn't hit yourself out of a wet paper bag!
  • If you're not going to swing the bat, you could at least walk back to the dugout faster (After called Strike 3)
  • Hit it with your wallet! (To a guy with a fat contract)
  • You couldn't knock snow off a rope.
  • Nice swing Alice.
  • You couldn't hit sand if you fell off a camel
  • You couldn't hit the side of a barn with a bass fiddle
  • Put a Band-Aid on that cut!
  • Good thing they designate you as hitter, you'd never know otherwise
  • Who left the helmet in the box? (for short hitters)
  • You'd have to pick up and hit the ball 3 times to get to the fence!
  • Dont worry, You're more of a glove man anyhow!
  • What are you doing, window-shopping? Take a swing!
  • Its the Hitless Wonder!
  • Don't lay an egg out there
  • You couldn't knock the skin off of rice pudding!
  • You'll be sent down soon, they're starting to throw curves!
  • Did you have your wheaties today?
  • You're more of a batting practice hitter!
  • Know what a batting average is?
  • Do they have the strike out sign on?
  • Welcome to the Big Leagues!
  • Baaaaat Corrrrrker!
  • WHAT are you swinging at?
  • This At-Bat is costing us $10,000
  • Think you can hit righties?, pick a fight with ______________!
  • Them curve balls sure is curvy eh?
  • It's going to be a curve!........It's going to be a fastball!
  • Use your bat next time!!
  • Check the pine tar on this guys bat!
  • Take a mulligan on that swing!
  • Ya gotta swing that bat yourself, batteries ain't included!
  • Wait for your pitch!
  • You couldn't hit a beach ball with a tree trunk
  • Didn't you just sell me a hotdog?
  • Trade Bait!
  • Swing at the strikes!
  • OOOOh'fer!
  • Hit a homerun and I'll buy you a hotdog!!!
  • I've seen better swings on a condemned playground!
  • Pitch him underhand!
  • You haven't had a hit since the sixth grade
  • You guys took batting practice and the pitching machine threw a no-hitter
  • Go get a splinter!
  • DH means Doesn't Hit?
  • Wake em up!
  • Swing!...(and a miss)..Shouldn't have listened!
  • Swing!...(and a called strike)..Told ya so!
  • .083....083....083....(Chant batting average)
  • You couldn't knock a mailbox off with that swing
  • This guy couldn't bat an eye!
  • You couldn't hit the ocean from the end of the pier!
  • Bring out the Jelly 'cause you got jammed
  • Bring out the butter 'cause you got toasted
  • Bring out the textbooks 'cause you got schooled
  • He couldn't hit a balloon!
  • Are you actually watching the ball or are you letting the FORCE guide you?
  • Take the donut off! (late on a pitch)
  • You can't hit the ball with the bat on your shoulder!
  • Swing Hard! Just in case you hit it!
  • Try the other side of the plate!
  • Just put the stick down and nobody gets hurt! (ugly swing)
  • When a batter gets hit by a pitch, make a loading a shotgun sound and yell "pull"!

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