The Big List of Fielder Heckles

This infield has more holes in it than a swiss cheese donut

The only ring you're going to get is an engagement ring!

You'd better not shower after the game, your hands might rust!

Last year he won the gold glove this year he is wearing it.

Take the skillet out of your mitt it works better!

I can throw a bowling ball better than that!

You couldn't catch a rash at a poison ivy convention!

That balls going over your head, just like Sesame Street!

Your team hates you!

He couldn't throw out Strom Thurmond!

We can list your glove with the French rifle, never used! !

Hey Pinnochio, throw like a real boy!

You play shortstop like Ozzie...Osbourne!

FUNDA-MENTALS! (after an error)

Nice hands All-State!

Someone brought their frying pan to the game! (after a booted ball)

Leave your skillet at home! (after a booted ball)

How 'bout some jam with that P B!(To catcher after passed ball.)

You've got the range of a rosebush!

Get that guy OnStar cause he looked lost!

(To a catcher throwing to second) Is there a pot of gold at the end of that rainbow?

You couldn't throw a cat out of a window!

What size boots do you wear?

Hey Derek, I just bought your glove on ebay!

Nice Play, next time mix in a little more leather!

What did you do? Get your glove caught on your skirt?

There's more holes in his glove than a Florida presidential ballot!

Get special teams off the field!

Bozo called and he wants his mitt back!

I've seen better scoops in an ice cream parlor!

Sieve!

Nice boots cowboy!

It's time to change the Velcro in your glove!

Find the handle! (after a booted ball)

You've got more boots than Willie Nelson!

I've seen better a better throw at a pillow convention!

That's why your mother didn't let you eat with a fork!(After a booted ball)

Are you hands painted on?

The cow that was used to make your glove just turned over in his grave!

He bought a new glove and forgot to read the instructions

Get the Teflon out of your glove!

This infields got more holes in it than OJ's alibi

You'll have a heckuva year if your chest holds out

Use your glove, it's paid for

Get a rifle scope on that arm

How does that centerfield wall look there 2nd?

You've got hands like feet!

You got that boot in my size?

Hey nice play, Shakespeare!

I've seen better range on an oven!

Hey they killed a cow to make that glove, at least you could try to use it!

Take the boxing gloves off!

Cinderella gets to the ball faster than you do!

This ain't no rodeo, get those boots out'a here!

He's got hands like a digital clock!

Did you make that glove in wood shop?

He couldn't catch a steel ball with a magnet

I've seen better hands on a clock

Check your shorts third!

Way to kick it Pele

Watch out for those Air Pockets!

It's not raining so take off your boots (after a kicked ball)

Get the spring out of your glove

Don't lose your glove

Boots always come in pairs!

Put the glove on the other hand!

Next inning try leaving the glove in the dugout

Did you get a free can of soup with that glove?

He couldn't find his behind with both hands

Nice throw Alice

Nice catch Alice

You couldn't catch a cold, butt-naked, sitting in a freezer with your feet in a bucket of ice!

Its Edward Scissorhands!

I don't know's on 3rd!

Can you eat with those hands?

Did you get your glove from US Steel?

Try catching it in the glove, not your chest

Is that glove welded on you?

Nice catch (each time the catcher receives that ball)

You've got such bad hands, your glove is embarrassed!

Watch out for the wheelbarrow (Infield pop-ups only)

We know you can catch the ball, how about hitting it?

Hey shortstop, you wearing your sisters spikes?

BOOORRRING!

HHHHHOT DOGGGGGGG!

Game....Boring....Take..Nap.

Will you autograph my bus ticket to (AAA city)?

Nice route Magellan! (For a fielder that has trouble getting to a ball)

When are you going to take off those handcuffs?

The magic number for this team is 911

Now THATS what I call Defensive Indifference!

The ball/rightfield/bag is over there!

STERRR-RRROIDS

Run Forrest,Run!

Even though no one is here, this game still counts!

You're playing too far off the bag!! (To Rightfielder)

New York stinks! (Always a winner, no matter what teams are playing)

Do over! (After home team error)

I've seen better hands on a snake!

You need some glue in that glove!

You guys are playing like you want to beat the traffic!

All 9 of you guys are supposed to be playing!

Use 2 hands!

You couldn't throw out the trash!

That's not a glove... that's a frying pan !

Putt-Putt wants to hire you for the ninth hole!

I'm standing and I can't get down!

Pay child support you deadbeat dad!

Can I have your autograph/Can I have a baseball!

This guy couldn't catch herpes!

You couldn't field a beachball with a pitch-fork

There's a softball team somewhere with you pencilled in for first base!

If we get a lead, call time out!

Get a haircut!

Flies are sure out tonight

Put ME in, Put ME in!

You guys were eliminated opening day!

This guy is a bush leaguer!

That was Bush!

Houston, We have a problem!

Let's play two!

At this rate you'll finish behind Alberquequee!

The Girls of Summer!

How much is your autograph worth?

How much is your rookie card worth?

Pace your self out there!

You're playing like Helen Keller!

I hear you've won 3 lead glove awards!

Why don't you go wait on the bus!

You're Not even TRYING man...

When did you stop caring?

I'm not seeing any hustle!