Spoken Player Responses:Don't mess with us, people. We're full of steroids and could snap at any time! These fans are crazy! I bet Steinbrenner signs them in the offseason Heckle: "Hey, how's your wife and my kid?" Comeback: "The wife's great. The kid's retarded!" Your wheel's spinnin', but the hamster's dead!

Looks like the gene pool needs a little chlorine! I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce! How many times do I need to flush before you go away? If I throw a stick, will you leave?

If you're so important, why aren't the seats facing you? Too much sugar this morning? Here's an alcoholic who doesn't want to remain anonymous.

Looks like the face on the bar room floor finally got up I'm sorry, I don't speak alcoholic I hope your face clears up What's the matter, kid, didn't you get enough attention at home?What, was there no tractor pull on tonight, you had nothing to do? Is that your face or did you just catch a foul ball?

This is my job. I don't knock the mop out of your hand when you're at work I don't show up at your job and unplug the Slurpee machine I'm sorry, I don't know how to deal with you, I'm a ballplayer not a proctologist. It's alright, I remember my first beer

Fan Comebacks:
I already knew you had a sense of humor, I've seen you play! "Hey, can I have a ball?" (After refusal) "That's OK; I'll get one when you pitch."

Umpire Comebacks:
Submitted - At a game a spectator said to the umpire - "do you know how to ump the game". The ump said "Yes, I also know how to remove a spectator from the sidelines" (Hey Blue, You're missing a great game!) I know, I'm working this one instead