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Editors Note: These are not all-purpose comebacks, these comebacks are meant to be specific to the game of baseball and the intereaction between the players, fans, and umpires.

Suggested BallPlayer Comebacks:
(alternatives to throwing a chair)
Mimed Player Responses:
- Act out an exaggerated yawn
- Brush off your shoulders
- Cup your ear and then shrug your shoulders
- Fake a throw of a souvenier baseball towards the hecklers, then turn and throw it to another section
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Spoken Player Responses:
- Don't mess with us, people. We're full of steroids and could snap at any time!
- These fans are crazy! I bet Steinbrenner signs them in the offseason
- Heckle: "Hey, how's your wife and my kid?" Comeback: "The wife's great. The kid's retarded!"
- Sorry, I don't speak "idiot", go get a translator
- I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce!
- How many times do I need to flush before you go away?
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- If you're so important, why aren't the seats facing you?
- Too much sugar this morning?
- Here's an alcoholic who doesn't want to remain anonymous.
- Looks like the face on the bar room floor finally got up
- I'm sorry, I don't speak alcoholic
- I hope your face clears up
- What's the matter, kid, didn't you get enough attention at home?
- What, was there no tractor pull on tonight, you had nothing to do?
- Is that your face or did you just catch a foul ball?
- This is my job. I don't knock the mop out of your hand when you're at work
- I don't show up at your job and unplug the Slurpee machine
- I'm sorry, I don't know how to deal with you, I'm a ballplayer not a proctologist.
- It's alright, I remember my first beer
Fan Comebacks:
- I already knew you had a sense of humor, I've seen you play!
- "Hey, can I have a ball?" (After refusal) "That's OK; I'll get one when you pitch."
Umpire Comebacks:
- Submitted - At a game a spectator said to the umpire - "do you know how to ump the game". The ump said "Yes, I also know how to remove a spectator from the sidelines"
- (Hey Blue, You're missing a great game!) I know, I'm working this one instead
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