Ugly Golf Shots  Take all the shots you need! Let's pretend no one saw that! What's that I'm smelling, could it be Mulligan Stew? That will be an ornament! Try aiming out of bounds!
Need a weedwacker to find that one! Bring a machete in your bag? Club went farther than the ball! You shouldn't drink and drive! That one is off to Grandmothers house!
Oh, that's rough! Should I put you down for 6? That's my final offer. Check your hands for powder burns That will be an ornament Next time take the head cover off before you putt
You're going to need a backhoe to replace that divot! *
Golf Shots In the Sand
You're a Beach Boy!, Fun Fun Fun! Smells like someone's in the cat box! You are the Sandman!
Good Golf Shots
Take a picture, make a poster! Drive for show, putt for dough! That's a happy shot! Oh-oh, you are way to close to the green! You punished that plastic!
Nothin but the bottom of the cup! Like a laser beam through a breeze! You da man! You are birdie-ful! That is long and gone!
Someone's been taking lessons! The eagle has landed! Give me the Bird! So that's how it's going to be, your luck vs. my skill That ones on the dance floor
Bad Golf Shots
Put on your Bogie shoes! If I only had an aim! (Sung to the tune of If I only had a brain Do you want some pepperonni on that slice? What did you do to your swing? Don't make me hit you again!
Sit!, Fetch!, Roll Over! Not everyone can slice like that! Well, it'll be a short walk! Too bad you can't hit your tee shots that long! Did you see the wind take that?
Check your hands for powder burns! Your skirt must have blown up in your face on that swing That one got a squirrel Not enough postage on that one Didn't quite connect
Should have put a little body english on that one Start thinking about the next one Get down! Bite! Blame the Russian titanium alloy
Your divots are too heavy to carry back You'd better run! (to ball) Nice stroke Alice! Your handicap is your swing! Walk it off!
At least you'll be able to find that one! You should use pink balls, they are easier to find! Do you have clubs with numbers on them? Pssst, it breaks the other way! Nice shot, the tree trunks not more than a foot wide!
So close, but yet...so what? Bogie man is coming to get you! That's one way to wash a ball! The pin is that thing with the flag on it! I think you've got alignment issues!
I lost it watching your wacky follow through! The green is that light colored thing in the distance! Run ya panzy! That's coming in hot! Did anyone else feel that gust of wind!
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