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About this site:
I once was a hapless baseball heckler. But I  had no idea exactly how bad I was until the summer of 1996. It was then, while taking in a Jays game with a few friends, we pitched a particularly bad line towards the Twins bullpen. Looking down on Greg Hansell, the line was "Hey Hansell, where's Grettel?". Twins catcher Matt Walbeck turned around and said, 'You're the worst hecklers I've ever heard in my life,'. It was then I realized the need to improve my powers of harassment. Quickly realizing there was a lack of literature devoted to baseball heckling, I started the HeckleDepot. So for all you bad baseball hecklers out there, and all your embarrased friends, this site is for you.
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"This is a great website. I would like your permission to copy some of
these heckles for my e-mail Updates. As an amatuer umpire, these heckles are hilarious and I
would like to include selected ones in my updates..." B Shedd
more testimonials... |
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All Time Top Heckles: |
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How's your Japanese? |
1
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I've seen better arms on a snake! |
2 |
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You couldn't save anything at WalMart! |
3 |
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You've got less hits than an Amish website!
| 4 |
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Take off your coat, you're inside! |
5 |
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You couldn't throw a party! |
6 |
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You couldn't pitch a tent! |
7 |
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I thought only horses slept standing up! |
8 |
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How can you eat with those hands? |
9 |
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I'm gonna break your cane and shoot your dog! |
10 |
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You've had fewer hits than Vanilla Ice! |
11 |
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Hey, Dracula, wake up your bat! |
12 |
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Do you want my autograph? |
13 |
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Come on Cinderella, get to the ball! |
14 |
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What is the Mendoza line?
It is the figurative boundary in the batting averages between those hitting above and below .200. It is named for shortstop Mario Mendoza whose career batting average for the Pirates, Mariners, and Rangers was .215. Coinage of the term has been credited to George Brett, who was quoted: "The first thing I look for in the Sunday papers is who is below the Mendoza line." But according to Sports Illustrated the term was first used by Mendozas' teamates in razzing him.
The Dickson Baseball Dictionary-Paul Dickson
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Heckling Tip |
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To heckle effectively, you'll need a good seat. If possible find a location by the visitors on deck circle - presumably you are heckling the visitors. Where can you find those seats? Try VividSeats.com, one of the top ranked national ticket brokers. Then grab a some baseball tickets that will put you in the middle of it all. They will have great seating options on cheap Red sox tickets, Phillies baseball tickets or any other team you want to heckle up close. |
| David Lettermans Top 10 Fidel Castro Jeers:
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10. "Get a raft!"
9. "My team may defect--but your team has defects!"
8. "Our players could beat you even if losing didn't mean certain death."
7. "Years of indoor plumbing have made you Americans soft and weak."
6. "Castro will whip your astro."
5. "The ump needs glasses...inform him that it's a three-year wait."
4. "No batter, no batter, and no bat since Russia stopped sending aid."
3. "I'm not paying you $6 a year to strike out."
2. "You call that catching? I catch more in my beard while I'm eating."
1. "You throw like a capitalist girl." |
| Recently Submitted Heckles:
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| Kiss your mama at
the bus stop…‘Cause we’re takin’ you to school!" |
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| Have you been snorting the rosin bag? |
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| I've seen monkeys with better swings! |
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I've got better legs on my couch!
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| I've seen better legs hangin' out of a birds nest! |
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| You want some belt with that buckle? |
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| (Hold up cell phone) Hey Ump, is this your cell phone? Because it has three missed calls! |
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| Give him his receipt because he just got rung up! |
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| I have seen better hoses in a garden! |
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| Hey Pitch, how about some milk with those cookies! |
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| You have $200 in your hands, use it! |
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| You'd better not shower after the game, your hands might rust! |
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| Whatever they're paying you, I can match it! |
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| Hey Blue! That pitch was like your blind date, you didn't
want to see her or call her. |
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| He was as out as a deaf kid playing musical chairs! |
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| Where's the pot of gold at the end of that rainbow? |
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| Hey First, it's getting windy. You better step on your second baseman so he doesn't blow away. |
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| Did you buy that swing from GNC? |
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Go for it |
Use Caution |
Bad Idea |
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