Sports heckling on the Web
By NATE CROSSMAN, Staff Writer
Wednesday, October 4,
2000 -- Heckling has been around since
the citizens of Rome pointed their fickle thumbs to the
ground, telling their gladiators it was time for "sudden
The English heckled Shakespeare's players, hurling
rotten fruits and veggies when they deemed the show
unworthy of their hard-earned shilling.
And today, baseball fans heckle their overpaid
heroes, pelting them with bawdy suggestions - some that
would make even a truck driver blush.
Now, for those baseball fans who regard heckling as
an art worthy of perfection, there is http://www.heckledepot.com/,
a Web site clearly aimed at making the average fan more
At this site, heckling is categorized into headings
like "umpires" and "batters." Click on a banner and get
100 or so one-liners, ready to try out at your next ball
game (Timely for those with a team in the Divisional
Series, but painfully useless for Red Sox fans.)
The heckles range from cute to moronic to "did he
just say what I think he said?"
A favorite under the heading "fielders" is, "You
couldn't catch a cold if you were butt-naked, sitting
with your feet in a bucket of ice."
Aside from heckles, heckledepot.com also allows fans
to download rosters of opposing teams, assuring there
will always be plenty of ammunition in the
In the spirit of fair play, however, heckledepot.com
offers an extensive list of comebacks for aggravated
outfielders, ranging from the very polite "Thanks for
sharing," to the thought-provoking "Looks like there's
one alcoholic who doesn't want to remain anonymous."
Players also offer insight as to how certain heckles
have made them feel. Chicago White Sox designated hitter
Frank Thomas said it became "real aggravating" when a
certain group of opposing fans repeatedly referred to
him as "The Big Skirt," instead of the "The Big Hurt."
If Thomas had previously logged onto heckledepot.com, he
could have retorted with, "When you jumped in the gene
pool, the lifeguard wasn't looking."
Heckledepot.com even has a hall of fame, featuring
Yankee bleacher creatures, Florida State co-eds, and the
famous Chicken mascot.
Veteran hecklers may find this site a bit pedestrian,
because it features many of the same, tired one-liners
that have been around since Babe Ruth was getting
But it does feature several interesting chants, far
removed from the days of "we need a pitcher, not a belly
So log on and catch some of the entertainment on
heckledepot.com - but I bet you couldn't catch a cold if
you were butt-naked with your feet in a bucket of ice.