If you're going to heckle, then learn to do it right

You couldn't drive home Miss Daisy!

No matter what you choose, keep 'em clean and creative. And save them for the opponents. Don't heckle your own team, no matter how poorly they play.

It's always safe - and encouraged - to boo the opponent, especially when they're dressed in Yankees uniforms. Same goes for the traitors who leave the Tribe for greener diamonds, as if there were any.

Mothers are off-limits. Always. Don't believe me? Ask pitcher David Wells, who as a Yankee endured heckles in the 1998 playoffs about his mom, his deceased mom. Ouch.

Heckling is nearly a lost art at Jacobs Field. The heckling Web site ranked fan reaction and put Cleveland at ninth, after Chicago, Boston, the Yankees, the Mets, St. Louis, Philadelphia, Baltimore and Seattle.

Those fans got lots of praise while Cleveland got a mere four words: "Rated high by players." ZZZzzzz.

At least we're not Houston, in 22nd place, listed as "Traditionally quiet fans."

We might be after this year. The Tribe has a bigger problem to deal with than hecklers.

It's called "empty seats."

To reach Regina Brett:

rbrett@plaind.com, 216-999-6328

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