The Big List of Pitcher Heckles

These are starting pitcher heckles, bullpen heckles here.

• Stay Classy Pitch!
• You couldn't hold your dogs lead!
• The last one of you to throw a no-hitter was the pitching machine
• He's going to take you so deep, you'll think you're a Chilean miner
• He's going to re-gift your next fastball
• Throw the Gyro!
• Yoko Ono's got better pitch control than you
• I don't think you've got time to teach him a slider. (Mound Trip)
• Here strike zone, strike zone strike zone. Come here boy.
• The plate hasn't moved in 100 years and he still can't find it!
• We should arrange a funeral for your dead arm!
• Check the roster, you might be left-handed!
• I've seen better pitchers at a Tupperware party!
• You've got about as much control as two rabbits on a first date!
• We're lighting you up like a christmas tree!
• Call this pitcher a butcher 'cause he's serving up the meat!
• You could have started a car with that jump!
• I've seen more heat in an EZ-Bake oven!
• Dick Cheney has better aim
• Hey pitch! Why do you keep hitting our bats?
• You can fill a closet with all those hangers!
• I've seen better curves on a square!
• Serve it up snack bar!
• This pitcher is getting lit up more times than a joint at a phish concert!
• The pitcher is as dirty as the ball he just threw!
• This pitcher is dealing more junk than Fred Sanford.
• Be a hooker and work the corners!
• I've seen better pitching in T-ball!
• This guy's falling apart like a Wal-Mart Sweater!
• I've seen better pitches by a used car salesman!
• You couldn't save a Word file!
• Call the zoo, he's getting wild!
• Flip him over coach he ain't done yet!
• Open the screendoor he is outside!
• You couldn't strike a note!
• The way that ball was dancing, you know it wasn't Southern Baptist!
• Beethoven had better movements!
• You're supposed to drop and roll when you get burned!
• You better get a black top hat, a cape and a magic wand because you ain't fooling anyone with your stuff!
• One finger means fastball, not one mile an hour!
• The harder you throw, the farther they go!
• I hope you got your degree!
• This pitcher is like the family car, everyone gets to drive him!
• The pitcher's got nothing on the ball but his hand!
• I've seen better curves on a dragstrip!
• I've seen better pitches in a bar room!
• I've seen better junk in a junkyard!
• I've seen better curves on your grandma!
• I've seen better windups on a toy!
• Nice pitch! It's might not be that fast, but at least it's straight and down the middle!
• Maybe Sherlock Holmes could find the plate for you!
• How about a donation for this walk-a-thon!
• I've seen better curves on a road!
• I've seen better moves on a first date!
• Call a search party cause this guy can't find the plate!
• I've seen hot dogs with more mustard on them!
• He's got about as much control as two rabbits on their first date!
• This must be the Top 40 Countdown, the hits just keep on rolling!
• Get a snorkel because he just took you deep!
• You couldn't pitch hay!
• Seen better picks in an afro!
• You are going to have to ride the SHORT bus home!
• When is the team getting in? Did the bus break down?
• I've had candles with more heat!
• You spend more time near rubber than a tire salesman!
• There is more heat in an Amish home!
• You couldn't strike a pose!
• Hey Pitch, Take off the oven mitt!
• You couldn't throw rice at a Chinese wedding!
• No, Really, throw a fastball!
• Save us some time and just throw it into the gap!
• We want a pitcher, not an underwear snitcher!
• Olive Oyl's got better curves than you!
• I've seen better pitchers of beer
• It must be Italian Night, because the Pitcher is serving meatballs.
• If you keep throwing that tomato its going to rain chili for a week!
• Couldn't find a plate in a kitchen!
• All married men out of the infield!
• Why does your shortstop wear a bulls-eye?
• Maybe you're a lefty!
• Where did you get that arm, a garage sale?
• Get him a map, he can't find the plate!
• At least hit the cut off man!
• Turn the blinker off! (pick-off)
• Rotate the diamond! (pick-off)
• I've seen better movement in a bedpan! (pick-off)
• Send a postcard it will get there quicker! (pick-off)
• Read him like a book! (pick-off)
• I've seen a better move by U-Haul! (pick-off)
• Da dee dee de de de ..Just telegraph him it's coming (pick-off)
• Read that one like the Sunday paper! (pick-off)
• You already pitched to him! (pick-off)
• Feel free to mix in a strike every once in the while
• What's the matter, you need a running start?
• We want a pitcher not a belly itcher!
• Hope you're wearing your neck brace!
• Hey, lunch meat - keep serving that baloney!
• Click your heels 3 times and repeat after me.....there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home!
• There's a fight at the bat rack!
• You couldn't strike out Stevie Wonder!
• You pitch like the plate is high and outside!
• They're opening up another can of pitchers!
• He's got one higher than that!
• First pitch ceremony is over buddy!
• He's got nuthin but his glove!
• We're going to hit you so hard you'll get whiplash!
• He's an equal opportunity pitcher, everyone gets a hit.
• He must be the Pillsbury Dough Boy cause he just got poked
• Someone call 911...They are killing him!
• How can you throw with both hands wrapped around your neck?
• This guy only throws the ball 55 feet!
• Let him know you're out there!
• Have a nice shower!
• I've seen better moves on Soul Train!
• They show movies on that flight?
• What kinda pitcher are you? Chuck and duck?
• You've been hit so hard you're glowing!
• That pitch wasn't even in this time zone!
• Stick a fork in him!- that Pitchers done
• I could walk alongside that pitch!
• Watch ya gonna do when they come for you...
• Its raining Baseballs!
• Help, I'm choking!
• Are there any doctors in the house? Anybody know the Heimlich?
• Batting practice!
• Better get the bullpen busy
• You couldn't pitch hot biscuits to a hungry dog
• I saw your fastball pictured on the side of a milk carton!
• You might as well have them hitting off a tee!
• Get him a bucket, he's throwing up!(If the pitcher is throwing high a lot)
• Put a coat on that hanger! (for a hanging curve ball)
• You couldn't pitch a tent!
• You might not be tired, but the outfielders are!
• The catchers throwing the ball back harder than you're throwing it in!
• You couldn't throw a tantrum!
• Who's calling the pitches?
• I haven't seen this many zeros in a row since Mr.Spock had a book signing
• There are so many zeroes on the board, it looks like the display case at Dunkin'Donuts
• Pitcher got a rubber arm!
• Just bring in the pitching machine!
• Throw the ball, not the game!
• With this guy pitching, the ground crew will have to drag the warning track after the fifth inning!
• You may as well let him toss it up and hit it!
• I could time your fastball with a calendar!
• You need to learn a new pitch-it's called a strike!
• (when the opposing team's manager was taking out a pitcher) Leave him in, we're not done with him yet!
• Someone go out there and put another quarter in the pitcher!
• Wind him up again coach!
• You should have a disclaimer, allow four to six weeks for delivery!
• You couldn't strike out a match!
• You need a cut-off man for your pitches!
• That ball was so far outside it had a hat and coat on!
• You couldn't throw the cat out of the house!
• Hey, the UMP could steal on this guy!
• Pitchers got a Big Butt! (In the movie "The Last Rookie")
• I've seen a better arm on a box of baking soda!
• Get him an L screen and a bucket of balls!
• This guy is Grade A beef!
• Put the spinner in the tackle box (Bad Curveball)
• Why don't you just tell him its coming and stop wasting our time (repeated pickoff attempts)
• Pitch him the deuce Meat!
• You better get some tape, because you just got ripped!
• Take off your coat, you're inside
• I've seen better arms on a beanbag chair!
• Hey, how 'bout some sauce on that meatball?
• This pitcher is pac-man...walka, walka, walka, walka!
• The last time he found the plate twice in a row was at dinner!
• I've seen more heat in a toaster
• You couldn't throw a party!
• You've got a great 55 foot 6 inch curve ball!