The Big List of Pitcher Heckles
- Your fastball’s slower than the Wi-Fi at my grandma’s house!
- He’s going to take you so deep, you’ll think you’re the Titan submersible.
- Stay Classy Pitch!
- You’ve got about as much control as two rabbits on a first date!
- You couldn’t hold your dog’s lead!
- The last one of you to throw a no-hitter was the pitching machine.
- He’s going to take you so deep, you’ll think you’re a Chilean miner.
- Pitch him the deuce, Meat!
- You better get some tape, because you just got ripped!
- Take off your coat, you’re inside.
- I’ve seen better arms on a beanbag chair!
- Hey, how ’bout some sauce on that meatball?
- This pitcher is Pac-Man…walka, walka, walka, walka!
- The last time he found the plate twice in a row was at dinner!
- I’ve seen more heat in a toaster.
- He’s going to re-gift your next fastball.
- Throw the Gyro!
- Yoko Ono’s got better pitch control than you.
- I don’t think you’ve got time to teach him a slider. (Mound Trip)
- Here strike zone, strike zone, strike zone. Come here, boy.
- The plate hasn’t moved in 100 years and he still can’t find it!
- We should arrange a funeral for your dead arm!
- Check the roster, you might be left-handed!
- I’ve seen better pitchers at a Tupperware party!
- We’re lighting you up like a Christmas tree!
- Call this pitcher a butcher ’cause he’s serving up the meat!
- You could have started a car with that jump!
- I’ve seen more heat in an EZ-Bake oven!
- Hey pitch! Why do you keep hitting our bats?
- You can fill a closet with all those hangers!
- I’ve seen better curves on a square!
- Serve it up, snack bar!
- The pitcher is as dirty as the ball he just threw!
- This pitcher is dealing more junk than Fred Sanford.
- I’ve seen better pitching in T-ball!
- This guy’s falling apart like a Walmart sweater!
- I’ve seen better pitches by a used car salesman!
- You couldn’t save a Word file!
- Call the zoo, he’s getting wild!
- Flip him over, coach, he ain’t done yet!
- Open the screen door, he is outside!
- You couldn’t strike a note!
- The way that ball was dancing, you know it wasn’t Southern Baptist!
- Beethoven had better movements!
- You’re supposed to drop and roll when you get burned!
- You better get a black top hat, a cape, and a magic wand because you ain’t fooling anyone with your stuff!
- One finger means fastball, not one mile an hour!
- The harder you throw, the farther they go!
- I hope you got your degree!
- This pitcher is like the family car, everyone gets to drive him!
- The pitcher’s got nothing on the ball but his hand!
- I’ve seen better curves on a drag strip!
- I’ve seen better pitchers in a bar room!
- I’ve seen better junk in a junkyard!
- I’ve seen better windups on a toy!
- Nice pitch! It might not be that fast, but at least it’s straight and down the middle!
- Maybe Sherlock Holmes could find the plate for you!
- How about a donation for this walk-a-thon!
- I’ve seen better curves on a road!
- Call a search party, cause this guy can’t find the plate!
- I’ve seen hot dogs with more mustard on them!
- This must be the Top 40 Countdown, the hits just keep on rolling!
- Get a snorkel because he just took you deep!
- You couldn’t pitch hay!
- Seen better picks in an afro!
- You are going to have to ride the SHORT bus home!
- I’ve seen candles with more heat!
- You spend more time near rubber than a tire salesman!
- There is more heat in an Amish home!
- You couldn’t strike a pose!
- Hey Pitch, take off the oven mitt!
- You couldn’t throw rice at a Chinese wedding!
- No, really, throw a fastball!
- Hey, lunch meat – keep serving that baloney!
- Click your heels 3 times and repeat after me… there’s no place like home!
- There’s a fight at the bat rack!
- You couldn’t strike out Stevie Wonder!
- You pitch like the plate is high and outside!
- They’re opening up another can of pitchers!
- He’s got one higher than that!
- First pitch ceremony is over!
- He’s got nothing but his glove!
- We’re going to hit you so hard you’ll get whiplash!
- He’s an equal-opportunity pitcher, everyone gets a hit.
- He must be the Pillsbury Doughboy cause he just got poked!
- Someone call 911… They are killing him!
- How can you throw with both hands wrapped around your neck?
- This guy only throws the ball 55 feet!
- Have a nice shower!
- I’ve seen better moves on Soul Train!
- They show movies on that flight?
- What kind of pitcher are you? Chuck and duck?
- You’ve been hit so hard you’re glowing!
- That pitch wasn’t even in this time zone!
- Stick a fork in him! That pitcher’s done.
- I could walk alongside that pitch!
- It’s raining baseballs!
- Help, he’s choking!
- Are there any doctors in the house? Anybody know the Heimlich?
- Batting practice!
- Better get the bullpen busy.
- You couldn’t pitch hot biscuits to a hungry dog.
- I saw your fastball pictured on the side of a milk carton!
- You might as well have them hitting off a tee!
- Get him a bucket, he’s throwing up!
- Put a coat on that hanger!
- You couldn’t pitch a tent!
- You might not be tired, but the outfielders are!
- The catcher’s throwing the ball back harder than you’re throwing it in!
- You couldn’t throw a tantrum!
- Who’s calling the pitches?
- Pitcher’s got a rubber arm!
- Just bring in the pitching machine!
- Throw the ball, not the game!