The Big List of All Purpose Heckles
- The only way you’ll get to Cooperstown is by car!
- Are those uniforms or pajamas? Hard to tell with the way you’re sleepwalking through this game!
- Hey ____, is that your (glove, bat, uniform, hat)?
- Hope you like batteries, cause you’re going back to triple A!
- Hey _____, when you get back to the dugout, tell _____ his fantasy owners are furious!
- Do you guys actually practice, or do you just show up for the games?
- You even stink in the video game!
- I thought you were the team mascot!
- I hope you paid to get in!
- What’s wrong, are you trying to beat the spread?
- Hurry up and practice, the game starts soon!
- I’ve got a better team pulling my buggy! (Amish fans only)
- Do you get any better when the fielders catch up?
- You’d be more entertaining in a blooper reel!
- I can’t believe they wasted a roster spot on you!
- Go start the bus!
- You stink like an outhouse in July!
- Hey, call home, your mom just made bail!
- Do you think you’ll like this game once you catch on?
- It’s time to hang up those spikes!
- Back to the minors!
- Is it Ladies’ night out there?
- Are you gonna play all 9 innings today?
- Bench Polisher!
- CP & NC (Shorthand for scouts – Can’t Play and No Chance)
- They’d come down from Triple A to look at you, but they don’t tow wrecks this bad!
- You guys couldn’t beat the Helen Keller School Team!
- Do you want MY autograph?
- 2010 called, they want their haircut back!
- At least with this team, we always see the bottom of the ninth!
- Biggest contribution you could make to this team is to go on the IL!
- Biggest contribution you could make is warming up the bench!
- You were in (AAA city) so long they wanted you to run for mayor!
- You look a whole lot better since they dug you up!
- Try breathing through your eyelids, meat!
- I’ve got crypto portfolios in better shape than you!
- You’re in the show, show me something!
- Looks like you’ll have to wait the full five years to get into the Hall of Fame!
- Whatever they’re paying you, I can match it!
- Can you spell double-A?
- Grab a straw, You Suck!
- Take that jersey back to the footlocker!
- The (farm club) has a locker with your name on it!
- You couldn’t beat anything with a stick!
- You’re dead at recess!
- What position do you play, left bench?
- When a player makes a bad play, yell the city where the team has a AAA affiliate: “Salt Laaaake Ciiiiity!”
- Maybe you’re left-handed and you don’t know it!
- The protein shakes aren’t working!
- You’re getting beat like a rented mule!