The Big List of All Purpose Heckles

  • The only way you’ll get to Cooperstown is by car!
  • Are those uniforms or pajamas? Hard to tell with the way you’re sleepwalking through this game!
  • Hey ____, is that your (glove, bat, uniform, hat)?
  • Hope you like batteries, cause you’re going back to triple A!
  • Hey _____, when you get back to the dugout, tell _____ his fantasy owners are furious!
  • Do you guys actually practice, or do you just show up for the games?
  • You even stink in the video game!
  • I thought you were the team mascot!
  • I hope you paid to get in!
  • What’s wrong, are you trying to beat the spread?
  • Hurry up and practice, the game starts soon!
  • I’ve got a better team pulling my buggy! (Amish fans only)
  • Do you get any better when the fielders catch up?
  • You’d be more entertaining in a blooper reel!
  • I can’t believe they wasted a roster spot on you!
  • Go start the bus!
  • You stink like an outhouse in July!
  • Hey, call home, your mom just made bail!
  • Do you think you’ll like this game once you catch on?
  • It’s time to hang up those spikes!
  • Back to the minors!
  • Is it Ladies’ night out there?
  • Are you gonna play all 9 innings today?
  • Bench Polisher!
  • CP & NC (Shorthand for scouts – Can’t Play and No Chance)
  • They’d come down from Triple A to look at you, but they don’t tow wrecks this bad!
  • You guys couldn’t beat the Helen Keller School Team!
  • Do you want MY autograph?
  • 2010 called, they want their haircut back!
  • At least with this team, we always see the bottom of the ninth!
  • Biggest contribution you could make to this team is to go on the IL!
  • Biggest contribution you could make is warming up the bench!
  • You were in (AAA city) so long they wanted you to run for mayor!
  • You look a whole lot better since they dug you up!
  • Try breathing through your eyelids, meat!
  • I’ve got crypto portfolios in better shape than you!
  • You’re in the show, show me something!
  • Looks like you’ll have to wait the full five years to get into the Hall of Fame!
  • Whatever they’re paying you, I can match it!
  • Can you spell double-A?
  • Grab a straw, You Suck!
  • Take that jersey back to the footlocker!
  • The (farm club) has a locker with your name on it!
  • You couldn’t beat anything with a stick!
  • You’re dead at recess!
  • What position do you play, left bench?
  • When a player makes a bad play, yell the city where the team has a AAA affiliate: “Salt Laaaake Ciiiiity!”
  • Maybe you’re left-handed and you don’t know it!
  • The protein shakes aren’t working! 
  • You’re getting beat like a rented mule!