The Big List of Batter Heckles

That swing was so late, I think it came from last season!

George Clooney is a better Bat-man than you!

(To batter in on-deck circle) Warming up for that strikeout?

Give him a hall pass…he’s late

Keep batting, that breeze feels AWESOME

You’re going to need a bigger bat (From JAWS).

Grab some pine, meat

The only cleaning up you guys know about involves cleaning supplies

DH? Does that stand for Doesn’t Have talent?

Hey, Mendoza called. He wants his line back!

You want some belt with that buckle?

Get a receipt because you just got rung up.

You have a $500 bat in your hands , use it!

Did you buy that swing from GNC?

Spin the diamond. (When a batter fouls off a lot of pitches)

I wish my golf score was as good as your batting average.

Take him out of freezer, he was frozen. (called on strikes)

Welcome to the club, we meet on Thursdays! (following a strikeout)


You couldn’t hit a wall if you ran into one!

You couldn’t spell hit!

Your hostess will seat you!! (following a strikeout)

I’ve seen better cuts at a deli!

Be a chauffeur and drive him in!

Be a frog and ribbit (rip it)!

Why’d you even bring the bat?

Here comes the Human Strike-Out!

Nice hack OJ!

Betty Crocker makes a better batter than you!

(After fastball) If you think that was bad, you should see his fastball.

The force is not very strong in this Jedi.

(After swinging strike) Would you like fries with that?

Think you can get this one past the pitcher’s mound?

Someone get some ointment, this guy just got burned.

Someone get some honey-glaze, this ham just got smoked.
I’ve seen better hitters at a drug bust!

This guy hasn’t driven anybody home since the junior prom

You couldn’t hit the bottle!

I’ve seen better batter when making a cake!

He couldn’t hit the ground if he fell off a ladder!

I’ve seen better bats in a cave!

Call us when you’re going to be late!(After a late swing)

I’ve seen better cuts on a BeeGees album!

Where’s your note? (late swing)

You should get two called strikes for that swing!

That was the Louisiana pitch. It was bayou!

You’ve had fewer hits than Vanilla Ice!

This guy couldn’t hit a shift key!

You swing like a rusty gate!

How’s your Japanese?

You want some pepperoni on that slice?

You’re getting less hits than an Amish website!

How did you make the team?You couldn’t drive anyone home if you were in their driveway!

I’ve seen better cuts with rusty razor blades!

You couldn’t hit the road!

I’ve seen better swings in a park!

I’ve seen Tyson take better swings!

I’ve seen better swings on a condemned playground!

Get the kids off of that swing!

I’ve seen monkeys take better swings!

I’ve seen better swings on a porch!

(To Catcher) Hey_______, let go of his bat!

Draw a chalk outline around this guy and call the coroner!

Swing the bat, only the mailman walks around here!

Did you get a haircut Samson?

The ball’s in the catchers mitt!

Swing your purse, Sally!

Drop your purse and pick up a bat!

Dead man walking!

Hey, Dracula, wake up your bat!

Save that swing for the mailbox league

You call that a cut? I call that a scratch!

Leave the piñatas for the kids…

You couldn’t hit the floor if you fell out of bed

Hit the weight room! (After lazy fly ball)

You couldn’t hit water if you fell out of a boat

Everybody move in!

If that’s your best swing, I’d hate to see your golf game!

You could buy a cup of coffee with that batting average!

You get a free bowl of soup with that swing?

Is it hard to hold the bat with your hands around your throat?

We want a batter not a broken ladder

Couldn’t hit a bull in the butt with a shovel

Are your hands bleeding yet?

No Batter, No Batter…

You couldn’t hit yourself out of a wet paper bag!

If you’re not going to swing the bat, you could at least walk back to the dugout faster (After called Strike 3)

Hit it with your wallet! (To a guy with a fat contract)

You couldn’t knock snow off a rope.

Nice swing Alice.

You couldn’t hit sand if you fell off a camel

You couldn’t hit the side of a barn with a bass fiddle

Put a Band-Aid on that cut!

Good thing they designate you as hitter, you’d never know otherwise

Who left the helmet in the box? (for short hitters)

You’d have to pick up and hit the ball 3 times to get to the fence!

Dont worry, You’re more of a glove man anyhow!

Stop window-shopping and take a swing!

Its the Hitless Wonder!

Don’t lay an egg out there

You couldn’t knock the skin off of rice pudding!

You’ll be sent down soon, they’re starting to throw curves!

Did you have your wheaties today?

You’re more of a batting practice hitter!

Know what a batting average is?

Do they have the strike out sign on?

Welcome to the Big Leagues!

Baaaaat Corrrrrker!

This At-Bat is costing us $25,000

Them curve balls sure is curvy eh?

It’s going to be a curve!……..It’s going to be a fastball!

Use your bat next time!!

Check the pine tar on this guys bat!

Take a mulligan on that swing!

Ya gotta swing that bat yourself, batteries ain’t included!

Wait for your pitch!

You couldn’t hit a beach ball with a tree trunk

Didn’t you just sell me a hotdog?

Trade Bait!


Pitch him underhand!

You guys took batting practice and the pitching machine threw a no-hitter

Go get a splinter!

DH means Doesn’t Hit?

Wake em up!

Swing!…(and a miss)..Shouldn’t have listened!

Swing!…(and a called strike)..Told ya so!

You couldn’t knock a mailbox off with that swing

This guy couldn’t bat an eye!

You couldn’t hit the ocean from the end of the pier!

Bring out the Jelly ’cause you got jammed

Bring out the butter ’cause you got toasted

Bring out the textbooks ’cause you got schooled

He couldn’t hit a balloon!

You can’t hit the ball with the bat on your shoulder!

Swing Hard! Just in case you hit it!

Try the other side of the plate!

Just put the stick down and nobody gets hurt! (ugly swing)