The Big List of Fielder Heckles
Hey nice play, Shakespeare!
I’ve seen better range on an oven!
Hey they killed a cow to make that glove, at least you could try to use it!
Take the boxing gloves off!
Cinderella gets to the ball faster than you do!
This infield has more holes in it than a swiss cheese donut
I glove you man!
The only ring you’re going to get is an engagement ring!
You’d better not shower after the game, your hands might rust!
Last year you won the gold glove this year you are wearing it!
Take the skillet out of your mitt it works better!
I can throw a bowling ball better than that!
You couldn’t catch a rash at a poison ivy convention!
That balls going over your head, just like Sesame Street!
Your team hates you!
He couldn’t throw out Strom Thurmond!
We can list your glove with the French rifle, never used! !
Hey Pinnochio, throw like a real boy!
FUNDA-MENTALS! (after an error)
Nice hands All-State!
Someone brought their frying pan to the game! (after a booted ball)
Leave your skillet at home! (after a booted ball)
How ’bout some jam with that P B!(To catcher after passed ball.)
You’ve got the range of a rosebush!
Get that guy OnStar cause he looked lost!
(To a catcher throwing to second) Is there a pot of gold at the end of that rainbow?
You couldn’t throw a cat out of a window!
What size boots do you wear?
Hey Jeter, I just bought your glove on ebay!
Nice Play, next time mix in a little more leather!
What did you do? Get your glove caught on your skirt?
There’s more holes in his glove than a Florida presidential ballot!
Get special teams off the field!
Bozo called and he wants his mitt back!
I’ve seen better scoops in an ice cream parlor!
Nice boots cowboy!
It’s time to change the Velcro in your glove!
Find the handle! (after a booted ball)
You’ve got more boots than Willie Nelson!
I’ve seen a better throw at a pillow convention!
That’s why your mother didn’t let you eat with a fork!(After a booted ball)
Are you hands painted on?
The cow that was used to make your glove just turned over in his grave!
He bought a new glove and forgot to read the instructions
Get the Teflon out of your glove!
This infields got more holes in it than OJ’s alibi
You’ll have a heckuva year if your chest holds out
Use your glove, it’s paid for
Get a rifle scope on that arm
How does that centerfield wall look there 2nd?
You’ve got hands like feet!
Have you got that boot in my size?
This ain’t no rodeo, get those boots out’a here!
He’s got hands like a digital clock!
Did you make that glove in wood shop?
He couldn’t catch a steel ball with a magnet
I’ve seen better hands on a clock
Check your shorts third!
Way to kick it Pele
Watch out for those Air Pockets!
It’s not raining so take off your boots (after a kicked ball)
Get the spring out of your glove
Boots always come in pairs!
Put the glove on the other hand!
Next inning try leaving the glove in the dugout
Did you get a free can of soup with that glove?
He couldn’t find his behind with both hands
Nice throw Alice
Nice catch Alice
You couldn’t catch a cold, butt-naked, sitting in a freezer with your feet in a bucket of ice!
It’s Edward Scissorhands!
I don’t know’s on 3rd!
Can you eat with those hands?
Did you get your glove from US Steel?
Try catching it in the glove, not your chest
Is that glove welded on you?
You’ve got such bad hands, your glove is embarrassed!
We know you can catch the ball, how about hitting it?
You wearing your sisters spikes?
Will you autograph my bus ticket to (AAA city)?
Nice route Magellan! (For a fielder that has trouble getting to a ball)
When are you going to take off those handcuffs?
The magic number for this team is 911
Now THATS what I call Defensive Indifference!
Even though no one is here, this game still counts!
You’re playing too far off the bag!! (To Rightfielder)
Do over! (After home team error)
I’ve seen better hands on a snake!
You need some glue in that glove!
You guys are playing like you want to beat the traffic!
All 9 of you guys are supposed to be playing!
You couldn’t throw out the trash!
That’s not a glove… that’s a frying pan !
Putt-Putt wants to hire you for the ninth hole!
I’m standing and I can’t get down!
This guy couldn’t catch Covid!
You couldn’t field a beachball with a pitch-fork
There’s a softball team somewhere with you pencilled in for first base!
Flies are sure out tonight
Put ME in, Put ME in!
You guys were eliminated opening day!
This guy is a bush leaguer!
That was Bush!
Houston, We have a problem!
Let’s play two!
At this rate you’ll finish behind Alberquequee!
The Girls of Summer!
How much is your autograph worth?
How much is your rookie card worth?
Pace your self out there!
You’re playing like Helen Keller!
I hear you’ve won 3 lead glove awards!
Why don’t you go wait on the bus!
When did you stop caring?
(for a fielder who boots a ball)….You and Michael Jackson have something in common!! You both wear a glove for no reason!!
Can we weld you another glove?
For any fielder dropping an easy fly ball I like to yell, “Nice hands Flipper”
To any fielder after he boots a ball.
New York Boot shop, 3rd baseman speaking, how may I help you?
Baseball BINGO! E-5!