Tall/Thin Players:

• This guy's so skinny his uniform has only one pinstripe.
• Who dressed the needle?
• Hey Beanpole!
• Who dressed the fungo?
• Hey Blade!
• Hey, Jack, looking for your beanstalk?
• It's the Jolly Green Giant.
• What's the matter, #__, couldn't cut it in basketball?
• He has to run around in the shower to get wet

General:

• Hope you like batteries, cause you're going back to triple A!
• Hey _____, when you get back to the dugout, tell _____ he stinks!
• Do you guys actually practice or do you just show up for the games?
• You even stink in the video game!
• You couldn't make ice without a recipe
• I thought you were the team mascot!
• I hope you paid to get in!
• What's wrong, are you trying to beat the spread?
• Hurry up and practice, the game starts soon!
• I've got a better team pulling my buggy! (Amish fans only)
• Do you get any better when the fielders catch up?
• You'd be more entertaining if you were on fire!

• I can't believe they wasted 1/3rd of a scholarship on you!!
• Go start the bus!
• You stink like an outhouse in July!
• Hey, call home your mom just made bail!
• Do you think you'll like this game once you catch on?

• It's time to hang up those spikes
• Your mouth looks a little dry
• Hummm-babe!
• Back to the minors!

• Is it Ladies night out there?
• Are you gonna play all 9 innings today?
• Bench Polisher!
• CP & NC (Shorthand for scouts -Can't Play and No Chance)

• Does your husband play too?
• They'd come down from Triple A to look at you, but they don't tow wrecks this bad
• You guys couldn't beat the Helen Keller School Team.

• Do you want MY autograph?
• 1972 called, they want their haircut back!
• At least with this team we always see the bottom of the ninth!
• Biggest contribution you could make to this team is to go on the DL
• You were in (AAA city) so long they wanted you to run for mayor
• You look a whole lot better since they dug you up!

• Noonan, miss it! Miss it Noonan! (from Caddyshack)
• Try breathing through your eyelids, meat!!! (Bull Durham)
• I've got internet stocks in better shape than you!
• You're in the show, show me something!

  Other Fans:

• I heard the first nine fans to arrive in (opponent's home field) get to start the next game!
• Beat the rush, beat the rush! (as others leave early)
• I remember my first beer too! (to boisterous fans)
• If you throw all your peanuts at me what are you going to feed your mother?
• I've seen better fans at Home Hardware.
• Looks like you'll have to wait the full five years to get into the Hall of Fame
• Whatever they're paying you, I can match it!
• Can you spell doube-A?
• Grab a straw, You Suck!
• Take that jersey back to the footlocker!

• The (farm club) has a locker with your name on it!
• You couldn't beat anything with a stick!
• You're dead at recess.
• What position do you play?, left bench?
• When a player makes a bad play yell the city where the team has a AAA affiliate Salt Laaaake Ciiiiity!
• Maybe you're left-handed and you don't know it
• The steroids aren't working

Short Players:

• Hey #14, stand up!
• Hey R2-D2!
• What do you do in the winter, make toys for Santa?
• Get in my belly!
• Do you model for trophies?
• Who left the helmet in the box?
• It's not my fault you can't go on the good rides in Disney.
• No fair using little leaguers!
• Hey _________, stand up!

Overweight Players:

• Your belt hates you!
• Why didn't you slide, you got a twinkie in your pocket?
• Weebles wobble but they don't fall down
• You better feed your butt! It's eating your pants!
• Cheeseburger... Cheeseburger... Cheeseburger...
• Nice uniform, does it come in your size?
• How about a hit Porkchop!
• Your behind must have its own congressman!
• When you dance you make the band skip!
• Your cereal bowl comes with a lifegaurd!
• Your High School graduation picture was an aerial photograph!
• You've got smaller players orbiting around you!
• Do you have to iron your pants in the driveway?
• Your blood type is Ragu!
• Do you put your belt on with a boomerang?
• Who dressed the keg?
• Work in a salad!
• Hey big boy, stick around after the game, we want to show a movie on your back.
• What size batter's box do you wear
• Hey Jabba! Did Han Solo ever pay up?
• Only one man to a uniform!
• Talk about plate coverage!
• When you're pitching we can't see the game.
• Hey (player), drop the chalupa!
• When you eat out does the waiter ask if you want an estimate?
• You look like you're smuggling a Volkswagen!
• Do you swell up like that every spring?
• You probably show up on radar.
• Does your team jog around you for exercise?

BallBoy/Batboy:

• Da na na na na nana nana na nana (theme to Batman) BATBOY!
• Pick it up..Pick it up!
• Tip your Hat, Tip your Hat!

(Not Seriously) Hurt Player:

• Tell him he's Babe Ruth! (groggy player)
• Play around him!
• There is no crying in baseball! (A League of Their Own)
• Don't worry, Your Mom will come pick you up!
• Quack..Quack (to the trainer)
• That's gonna leave a mark!

Women Only:

• Your aim is worse than my husband's in the bathroom!
• You call yourself a cleanup hitter? Come clean up after my husband!

Play Specific:

• I've seen better hit and runs in the ghetto!
• Sniper!(when a player trips)
• Put your heads together and make a rock pile! (mound visit)
• Get some ice for that ball (after gitting hit by pitch)
• Get this guy a road map (Whenever a pitcher makes base running error)
• After a pitcher gives up a home run and is pitching to the next batter yell: Hey (player)! Throw that last pitch again!
• Give the kid a chance! He'll never learn if you take him out! (As visiting manager walks to mound)
• That was an ugly finder (Sharp foul into dugout)
• Put a new handle on it (Broken bat)
• He picked you like a ten pound booger!(Picked off)
• What were ya doing? Countin' your money?(Picked off)

  Baserunner:

• I've seen better legs on my couch!
• I've seen better legs hangin' out of a nirds nest!
• I haven't seen a slide like that since Enron
• I've seen better slides at the pool!
• You run like you're moving furniture!
• You run like a dry creek!
• Your average speed is slower that a Hippo on stilts!
• Way to stretch that triple in to a double!
• You run like a deer! A John Deere
• You couldn't run a bath!
• I've seen better legs in a bucket of chicken.
• Put some WHEELS on that wagon you're pullin'!
• Are you posing for a picture?
• I've seen better legs on a piano
• The team bus could have got around second faster than you!
• You couldn't steal home if you had a key!
• Unhitch the trailer!
• You move like a potted plant!
• Maybe some day you'll learn to play that piano you're dragging!
• Are you carryin' a safe?
• It's all right to drag the piano, just don't stop to play it.
• Base Clogger!
• You call that baserunning? I've seen better runs in [insert teammate's name here]'s panty hose!