Do you get any better or is this it? You're blinking too long! Do you travel with this team? Come on, MCI doesn't make that many bad calls! You couldn't make the right call if you had a phone book! You couldn't make a call in a phone booth!Do you take Visa or American Express? Leave the gift giving to Santa!

Take out your glass eye and wash it! OK....the next call should be ours! Guess again, the last call was wrong! Who signs your game checks? Is that guy your nephew Ump?

Do you feel guilty? If the pitcher is throwing too fast for you, we can ask him to slow it down The manager called, your uniform is ready Your strike zone is a moving target

You're getting better, you almost made the right call that time Punch a hole in that mask, you're missing a good gameHey, Sleeping Beauty, wake up! Hey Blue, Magnum P.I. called, he can't find your strike zone!

I've seen potatoes with better eyes! Looked pretty good from up here ump!Do your sleeping at home ump! Lets go to Video Replay! For a guy that only works 2 hours a day, you're doing a pretty bad job! Hey blue, if you had one more eye you'd be a Cyclops

RING..RING....Wake up call ump! You couldn't see the plate if your dinner was on it! Wake up Ump, You're missing a great game! Somebody call the law, this guy is impersonating an umpire!

Ump, you're calling a worse game than a NFL ref! Now I understand why you and the other manager look so much alike!You're like a bat without sonar! Here's a quarter, go buy a strike zone! Hows work experience going ump? He must be wearing a (visiting team) t-shirt under that jersey.Keep making calls like that and you'll be demoted to the pony league!