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- Somebody get the ump his prescription mask!
- Sit down, bus driver!
- If you need the
 money this badly, get a paper route! - You flipping coins?
- Is that your final answer?
- Take off that welding mask
- What's your magic word?
- What's the count Blue?
- Dog Robber! (classic)
- Lenscrafter called...they'll be ready in 30 min.
- Open your good eye!
- Next time buy a ticket if you're going to watch!
- Can I buy you another beer?
- Eat a salad!
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- Do you get any better or is this it?
- You're blinking too long!
- Do you travel with this team?
- Come on, MCI doesn't make that many bad calls!
- You couldn't make the right call if you had a phone book!
- You couldn't make a call in a phone booth!
- Do you take Visa or American Express?
- Leave the gift giving to Santa!
- Take out your glass eye and wash it!
- OK....the next call should be ours!
- Guess again, the last call was wrong!
- Who signs your game checks?
- Is that guy your nephew Ump?
- Do you feel guilty?
- If the pitcher is throwing too fast for you, we can ask him to slow it down
- The manager called, your uniform is ready
- Your strike zone is a moving target
- You're getting better, you almost made the right call that time
- Punch a hole in that mask, you're missing a good game
- Hey, Sleeping Beauty, wake up!
- Hey Blue, Magnum P.I. called, he can't find your strike zone!
- I've seen potatoes with better eyes!
- Looked pretty good from up here ump!
- Do your sleeping at home ump!
- Lets go to Video Replay!
- For a guy that only works 2 hours a day, you're doing a pretty bad job!
- Hey blue, if you had one more eye you'd be a Cyclops
- RING..RING....Wake up call ump!
- You couldn't see the plate if your dinner was on it!
- Wake up Ump, You're missing a great game!
- Somebody call the law, this guy is impersonating an umpire!
- Ump, you're calling a worse game than a NFL ref!
- Now I understand why you and the other manager look so much alike!
- You're like a bat without sonar!
- Here's a quarter, go buy a strike zone!
- Hows work experience going ump?
- He must be wearing a (visiting team) t-shirt under that jersey.
- Keep making calls like that and you'll be demoted to the pony league!
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