The Big List of Batter Heckles
- You’ve got fewer hits than Justin Timberlake’s current tour!
- That swing was so late, I think it came from last season!
- George Clooney is a better Bat-man than you!
- (To batter in on-deck circle) Warming up for that strikeout?
- Give him a hall pass…he’s late.
- Keep batting, that breeze feels AWESOME.
- You’re going to need a bigger bat (From JAWS).
- Grab some pine, meat.
- The only cleaning up you guys know about involves cleaning supplies.
- DH? Does that stand for Doesn’t Have talent?
- Hey, Mendoza called. He wants his line back!
- You want some belt with that buckle?
- Get a receipt because you just got rung up.
- You have a $500 bat in your hands, use it!
- Did you buy that swing from GNC?
- Spin the diamond. (When a batter fouls off a lot of pitches)
- I wish my golf score was as good as your batting average.
- Take him out of the freezer, he was frozen. (called on strikes)
- Welcome to the club, we meet on Thursdays! (following a strikeout)
- Cork!
- You couldn’t hit a wall if you ran into one!
- You couldn’t spell hit!
- Your hostess will seat you!! (following a strikeout)
- I’ve seen better cuts at a deli!
- Be a chauffeur and drive him in!
- Be a frog and ribbit (rip it)!
- Why’d you even bring the bat?
- Here comes the Human Strike-Out!
- Nice hack, OJ!
- Betty Crocker makes a better batter than you!
- (After fastball) If you think that was bad, you should see his fastball.
- The force is not very strong in this Jedi.
- (After swinging strike) Would you like fries with that?
- Think you can get this one past the pitcher’s mound?
- Someone get some ointment, this guy just got burned.
- Someone get some honey-glaze, this ham just got smoked.
- I’ve seen better hitters at a drug bust!
- This guy hasn’t driven anybody home since the junior prom.
- You couldn’t hit the bottle!
- I’ve seen better batter when making a cake!
- He couldn’t hit the ground if he fell off a ladder!
- I’ve seen better bats in a cave!
- Call us when you’re going to be late! (After a late swing)
- I’ve seen better cuts on a BeeGees album!
- Where’s your note? (late swing)
- You should get two called strikes for that swing!
- That was the Louisiana pitch. It was bayou!
- You’ve had fewer hits than Vanilla Ice!
- This guy couldn’t hit a shift key!
- You swing like a rusty gate!
- How’s your Japanese?
- You want some pepperoni on that slice?
- You’re getting fewer hits than an Amish website!
- How did you make the team? You couldn’t drive anyone home if you were in their driveway!
- I’ve seen better cuts with rusty razor blades!
- You couldn’t hit the road!
- I’ve seen better swings in a park!
- I’ve seen Tyson take better swings!
- I’ve seen better swings on a condemned playground!
- Get the kids off of that swing!
- I’ve seen monkeys take better swings!
- I’ve seen better swings on a porch!
- (To Catcher) Hey_______, let go of his bat!
- Draw a chalk outline around this guy and call the coroner!
- Swing the bat, only the mailman walks around here!
- Did you get a haircut, Samson?
- The ball’s in the catcher’s mitt!
- Swing your purse, Sally!
- Drop your purse and pick up a bat!
- Dead man walking!
- Hey, Dracula, wake up your bat!
- Save that swing for the mailbox league.
- You call that a cut? I call that a scratch!
- Leave the piñatas for the kids…
- You couldn’t hit the floor if you fell out of bed.
- Hit the weight room! (After lazy fly ball)
- You couldn’t hit water if you fell out of a boat.
- Everybody move in!
- If that’s your best swing, I’d hate to see your golf game!
- You could buy a cup of coffee with that batting average!
- You get a free bowl of soup with that swing?
- Is it hard to hold the bat with your hands around your throat?
- We want a batter, not a broken ladder!
- Couldn’t hit a bull in the butt with a shovel.
- Are your hands bleeding yet?
- No Batter, No Batter…
- You couldn’t hit yourself out of a wet paper bag!
- If you’re not going to swing the bat, you could at least walk back to the dugout faster. (After called Strike 3)
- Hit it with your wallet! (To a guy with a fat contract)
- You couldn’t knock snow off a rope.
- Nice swing, Alice.
- You couldn’t hit sand if you fell off a camel.
- You couldn’t hit the side of a barn with a bass fiddle.
- Put a Band-Aid on that cut!
- Good thing they designate you as hitter, you’d never know otherwise.
- Who left the helmet in the box? (for short hitters)
- You’d have to pick up and hit the ball 3 times to get to the fence!
- Don’t worry, you’re more of a glove man anyhow!
- Stop window-shopping and take a swing!
- It’s the Hitless Wonder!
- Don’t lay an egg out there.
- You couldn’t knock the skin off of rice pudding!
- You’ll be sent down soon, they’re starting to throw curves!
- Did you have your Wheaties today?
- You’re more of a batting practice hitter!
- Know what a batting average is?
- Do they have the strikeout sign on?
- Welcome to the Big Leagues!
- Baaaaat Corrrrrker!
- This at-bat is costing us $25,000.
- Them curveballs sure is curvy, eh?
- It’s going to be a curve!……..It’s going to be a fastball!
- Use your bat next time!!
- Check the pine tar on this guy’s bat!
- Take a mulligan on that swing!
- Ya gotta swing that bat yourself, batteries ain’t included!
- Wait for your pitch!
- You couldn’t hit a beach ball with a tree trunk.
- Didn’t you just sell me a hotdog?
- Trade Bait!
- OOOOh’fer!
- Pitch him underhand!
- You guys took batting practice and the pitching machine threw a no-hitter.
- Go get a splinter!
- DH means Doesn’t Hit?
- Wake ’em up!
- Swing!…(and a miss)..Shouldn’t have listened!
- Swing!…(and a called strike)..Told ya so!
- You couldn’t knock a mailbox off with that swing.
- This guy couldn’t bat an eye!
- You couldn’t hit the ocean from the end of the pier!
- Bring out the Jelly ’cause you got jammed.
- Bring out the butter ’cause you got toasted.
- Bring out the textbooks ’cause you got schooled.
- He couldn’t hit a balloon!
- You can’t hit the ball with the bat on your shoulder!
- Swing hard! Just in case you hit it!
- Try the other side of the plate!
- Just put the stick down and nobody gets hurt! (ugly swing)